SHITTY BABY IN THE WOODS | OPEN 4th WALL | video/action: Ilex Forest

[peridork]

[ The first and most noticeable thing about the feed is that Peridot is very obviously not human once more. The face that's visible on-screen is back to its usual lime green, and her hair is whipped up into a very un-natural and, frankly, pretty ridiculous looking shape. She also looks terrified, but that's not really unusual in the slightest, especially not to those who already know her.

The camera shakes as she readjusts it. When Peridot speaks up it's at a low, frantic hiss, and in just about every aspect the quality of the video posted makes her look and sound like a horror movie character recording a frantic farewell message for posterity, before the murderer inevitably catches up with her. The camera is angled up from below eye-level, and the light from her Pokegear casts an eerie glow on her face. ]

So I was just minding my own business, trying to take care of my stupid new organic body by walking to use the "bathroom" [ air quotes ] or whatever, when everything got all weird and slow-- Now I'm in some random forest, and apparently time has inexplicably skipped forward by about 3 hours!?!?

[ Ridiculous. That's what this is. She just got here a week ago, and is in no way prepared to deal with this level of nonsense? Like, the giant super powered monsters were already bad enough without all this reality glitching bullshit happening around her.

The look in her eyes when she continues speaking is pleading. Desperate. ]

I'm going to level with whoever's receiving this transmission out there: It's cold, and getting dark, I don't know how to get back to Goldenrod City from here, and worst of all there are thousands of these hideous monster things crawling around everywhere in here and they won't leave me alone! [ Oh god. It kind of looks like she's about to cry. ] Don't let me die out here!

[ As Peridot says all this she has yet to notice the weedle that is currently making itself comfortable atop her ridiculous hairdo, but it sure is visible on camera.

...It might be kinder to just leave her in the dark on that detail. ]

Comments

[friendyousohard]

[She probably was expecting a human response to her distress call. Unfortunately for her Twilight's gotten her regular body back for the moment, so here's a talking pony.]

Miss, please do not panic.

... Yes I realize that's a difficult request to follow given your current situation. But what you are experiencing is a semi-regular event in this world. The fabric of reality kind of goes haywire for a little bit.

As for returning to civilization... it looks to me like you're probably in Ilex Forest. The nearest population centers are Pewter City and Viridian City, to the North and South. Your gear should include a compass.

[As for the weedle... best to hope it just leaves on its own.]

[peridork]

[ Well then. Peridot has never seen a pony before, let alone a purple one, so she's pretty convinced that this is a talking Pokemon responding to her message, because hey! Every other clearly not-human shaped thing she's seen in this terrible world so far has been one of those little abominations.

But even that's secondary to the explanation she's receiving for all of the weirdness. She sits up a little straighter, looking shell shocked. When she speaks again she's quiet in that way can only be described as a calm before a storm. ]

The fabric of reality... Goes Haywire?

[ ...........

Her free hand gets thrown up angrily. ]

And everyone's just OKAY WITH THIS?!

[ The outburst makes the weedle wobble precariously on it's perch, but it ultimately remains anchored. ]

[friendyousohard]

[Frankly she wouldn't even bother to correct that misconception at this point.]

I don't recall saying we were okay with it, but there's not exactly much we can do. We don't even know why it happens, much less how to stop it.

[peridork]

GGRRRGH... Well then a little bit of warning might have been nice!!!

[ Deep breaths. DEEP BREATHS. ]

Okay. Fine! You said there's a compass on this thing, right? Any advice on getting out of here without getting murdered by monsters?

[ She has both her Elgyem and Houndour with her, but since she's scared of them too, using them hasn't really occurred to her yet. ]

[friendyousohard]

I think we'd all agree with you there.

[Ah, instructions. She can do those.]

I would recommend heading north. Pewter's pretty easy to reach and, thankfully, the wild Pokemon in Ilex aren't terribly strong. What Pokemon do you have with you?

[The idea that this woman might not actually be ready to command her Pokemon in battle yet hasn't really occurred to Twilight.]

[peridork]

[ Peridot answers promptly and professionally, like a scout reporting her findings to a superior officer: ] Elgyem and Houndour, levels 16 and 7, respectively. One a psychic type, the other a dual dark and fire type.

[ Reluctant though she may be to engage with her own Pokemon, she has an excellent memory for detail. ]

[friendyousohard]

Ah, that's actually a pretty good pairing for getting yourself through there. Most of the Pokemon in Ilex are bug type, which are week to fire, and the Weedles and Kakuna are part poison as well, making them vulnerable to psychic.

Of course, both psychic and dark are weak to bug-type attacks as well, but ironically most of the attacks the species in Ilex have at their level qualify as normal or poison type. Just avoid Beedrill and you should be alright.

[peridork]

[ Woah. This Pokemon sure is knowledgeable about, uh. Other Pokemon. Color Peridot impressed! She even looks it for a second, before frowning with mild concern: ]

What's a Beedrill?

[friendyousohard]

Hold on a moment, I'll show you.

[Twilight's as good as her word. It only takes a few seconds for her to get the entry for Beedrill sent over to Peridot.]

Fortunately, they're pretty rare in Ilex.

[peridork]

[She receives the entry and looks at it with increasing dismay. She throws a free hand up.]

Why do so many of you things have literal weapons for body parts!?! [That exclamation trails off with a pathetic squeak.]
[But then she takes a deep breath, strengthening her resolve.] Alright. I'm going to do this.

[friendyousohard]

[It takes Twilight a moment to realize what Peridot means by "you things", and she's about to object, but frankly this isn't the time.

At least her hand didn't smack into the Weedle's stinger or something. Though when she gets moving it's bound to get dislodged...

Maybe it'll just fall behind her and she won't notice.]

Alright. I'll stay on the line as long as you need me... Honestly I don't have anything better to do anyway.

[the_pilgrim]

...Are you trying to say you're some kind of robot? Every body is organic.

[peridork]

[ WOW WIRT THAT'S RACIST???

Peridot scowls, her lips scrunching up to an impossibly tiny size. ]

No. Not every body is organic, dirt for brains. Also, I know robots. And I am definitely not one of those.

[the_pilgrim]

[Oh, so that's how we're playing this?]

Hey, I'm not the one claiming to be made of fairy dust.

[peridork]

Fairy--!? I'm a gem, you dork! Do you have anything helpful to say at all or are you just responding exclusively to make me even more miserable!?

[the_pilgrim]

Gem. Right. And I'm supposed to know that is...?

[peridork]

[ Peridot looks like she'd very much like to tear her own face off in frustration. ]

Look. If I get out of here without being mangled by these wild... Pokemon... [ that word still feels weird to her for some reason. ] ...Then I'll be more than happy to explain to you what a gem is. But, as you can probably deduce from my current surroundings, I'm a bit too preoccupied at the moment!

[the_pilgrim]

Okay, fine, what- [POOF. Wirt appears! Midair.]

AIEE! [He falls on his butt in front of you the most undignified of manners.]

[peridork]

[ The gem squeals and leaps backwards, tripping into a bush. Rustle. Thud. When she sits up there's twigs in her hair, in addition to the Weedle, who's looking rather cozy. There's fire in her eyes, and she's grinding her teeth and glowering. ]

What the heck was that for!?!

[the_pilgrim]

Do you honestly think I did that on purpose?! [He looks around.] ...?! Where the heck am I?!

[peridork]

[ She struggles to her feet, brushing herself off. She snorts. ] Your guess is as good as mine.

[the_pilgrim]

...So, we're lost in a forest. Together.

[peridork]

That would appear to be the case, yes.

[ Now that she's no longer alone, she seems significantly less scared... but that also means she's reverting back to her usual prickly demeanor. Sorry Wirt. ]

[the_pilgrim]

....Any ideas how to get out?

[peridork]

Not in the slightest. But believe me, I'm open to suggestions if you'd like to contribute.

[the_pilgrim]

Well, I could see if Beatrice could find a way to go from above.

[peridork]

[ She tilts her head. ] What's a Beatrice?

[the_pilgrim]

She is my pokemon. [He lets the Swablu out of her ball.] See?

[action]

[exeggutorhead]

[Envy's not sure how he wound up in the middle of the forest either, but unlike Peridot, he's not at all worried. He's been through this weekend rodeo so many times before that he just rolls with everything that comes his way.]

[Including small, hysterical green women.]

[It's difficult to miss Peridot with all the noise she's making, and he really can't help being curious enough to investigate. He also can't help looking really amused as he walks up behind her because oh my god.]

[He does stop a few feet away, one hand on his hip casually, because she's clearly panicking and he doesn't know what she is. While he'd think it was funny if he got her to jump, it would be less funny if she attacked him or something.]

Hey, you're not gonna die. At least, you won't if all the yelling doesn't attract Bloobers.

[Okay he couldn't help that either sorry Peridot.]

[peridork]

[ Peridot whirls around, the weedle in her hair swaying about precariously. She gets over her initial alarm quickly though, mostly because she's thrilled to see another person about in the same physical space as her, rather than on the video feed of her Pokegear.

The drastic cycle her expressions go through is comical, switching from relieved to horrified in quick succession. ]

Bloobers?

[exeggutorhead]

[Envy has to fight to keep a straight face. Oh no it's an even better reaction than he'd thought it would be. He manages to nod, keeping his expression deadly serious.]

Yeah, Bloobers. They come out if there's a lot of loud noises, and they hunt in packs. Wouldn't want to catch their attention, no way.

[peridork]

[ With shifty eyes she glances around, as though she's expecting one of these mysterious creatures to pop out of the brush without warning. Peridot's trembling a little too, fear getting the better of her.

A hissing whisper: ] What do they look like?

[exeggutorhead]

[CAN'T STOP NOW. Envy will see this prank through for as long as she believes his complete bullshit lies.]

Let's see...nobody's ever gotten a good, close look about them and lived to tell the tale...but from what I've heard? They're eight feet tall and have these three big fangs, and they leave huuuge slime trails everywhere they go. That's how you can tell one's been around. That and the chittering.

[He nods. Yep. 100% truth.]

[peridork]

[ Which will be infinitely because she's as gullible as they come. Envy. You monster.

Her shoulders sag a little, relieved. ]

Excellent. I haven't seen any 'slime trails', as you say, or heard anything that could be remotely described as 'chittering', so I would guess that the coast is clear.

[video]

[faintwaves]

...

[Xion's not entirely sure what she's looking at, it's a person in distress--which is bad--but her appearance is like...]

There's a bug on your head.

Re: [video]

[peridork]

[ She freezes up, a chill running down her spine. ]

W...What did you say?

[faintwaves]

In your...hair? [She thinks it's hair.] Just shake it off, don't try to grab it or it'll sting you.

[She's saying that like anybody would just react calmly to being told a foot long bug is in their hair.]

[peridork]

It'll STING ME!?
[Oh god oh god oh god, she isn't sure what that means but it doesn't sound good??? ]

[faintwaves]

...

[Geez, was she ever this clueless?]

Yeah, it'll get scared and hurt you, because it'll think you're attacking.

[Is this lady one of the people that hurt Lapis? She doesn't seem that tough or scary, just like a lost little--]

I dunno, are you a Gem? Do they get hurt?

[peridork]

[She freezes in shock.]

You know about gems--!?!

[The weedle chooses this moment to crawl down her face, and Peridot kind of. Screams? But with her mouth closed?]

[faintwaves]

...[Well.]

Okay, since it's doing that, maybe you should just...very gently pick it up and put it down.

[The "you know about gems??" thing can be addressed when Peridot is not in extreme peril.]